She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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