Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
