I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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