Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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