I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
