Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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