Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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