all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
