I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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