Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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