you traded sex for a burrito?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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