I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
