i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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