yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
