I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
so much tequila, so little girl.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
