he wants to bone in the snuggie
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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