Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
