shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
