my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
