I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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