You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
