i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i love accidental penises.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
This is my gift to your gina
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
