you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
We need to rekindle our bromance
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
