we're blogging at a bar
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
