My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I have fence marks all over my body
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
