Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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