last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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