I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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