Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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