i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
