with your own penis?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
