dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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