Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
