I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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