Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
