I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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