Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
