Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
