i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
