is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
