That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
