This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
