You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
