you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
