They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
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