Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
