i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
