Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
