If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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