We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
