he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
