just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
