My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
