yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
