They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
