If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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