Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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