I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
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