8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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