well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just gift wrapped bread.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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