I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
