You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
