I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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