the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
