4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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