So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize