fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
