I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
