Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
