I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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