FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Vodka?
Forever.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
