before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
