so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
