I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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