Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
