just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
