you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
