...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
