Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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