So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I supernannyed him into submission
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
