I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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