She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
