if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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