You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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