nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
