I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
