I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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