You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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