Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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