UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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