just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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