Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
