four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
