I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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