I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
