OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
