What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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