I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
