I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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