I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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