Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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